Two Years In Hell: Philadelphia Problems, Documented

Following the World Series win (as briefly noted in a previous post), local citizens upped the level of stupidity in the City of Brotherly Love to an all-time high. Considering previous levels of stupid in the nation’s second capitol, that’s saying a lot.

First up: post-win rioting.
Immediately following the Phils’ 3-inning win, fans and those generally interested in “smashing!” took to the streets and showed the rest of the world what sports means to this town by:
falling through the roof of a bus shelter (and “smashing!”)

flipping cars (read: “smashing!”)

and fighting the cops!

Second: sanctioned ridiculousness.
Somehow un-shamed by the actions of their citizenry, local government scheduled and planned a championship parade the Friday following the team’s (nay! CITY’s) win.
Having reviewed the Wednesday night revelry, arrest paperwork and number of grandma rapes, Mayor Nutter issued a stern warning regarding conduct to the local population:
“You can be joyous; you cannot be a jackass,” Nutter said. “That kind of idiotic, destructive behavior will not be accepted in the city of Philadelphia.” (Clearly, Nutter has an uncanny comedic sensibility and understanding of irony.)

Every retard and their sister ignored this advice, bought every Phillies product in site (like a jackass) in site, and took to the streets like a psychopath.